One of the essence of individualistic culture is self reliance, here is an anekdote which provides a clear description of self relance.
“I shamed my son today “, said my colleague as he explained how his son, who was in middle school, had forgotten his lunch box. And the reaction of a caring father was to jump on his bicycle and bring the lunch box to school where he then handed it over to the receptionist. Who in turn used the intercom to ask his son to announce himself at the reception where his father was waiting.
Furious
“My son was so furious, he was raging mad at me for my actions”. “But why?!” I exclaimed, coming form a reciprocating culture where parents are given the utmost respect no matter what. And an act like this could conjure nothing less than an utter thankfulness, gratitude and deep respect.
Dependency a weakness
Noticing my horrified expression, he went on to explained that in the Netherlands when most children at puberty are rather ashamed of the fact that they are taken care of by parents. Parents and child relation at the privacy of their home in acceptable to them. But in their public life, parents should remain out of the picture.
A parent assisting in the way my colleague did is a sign of dependency and an indication that the person is not yet a mature and independent man/women or individual, but a person who is still dependent, thus may be perceived as a sign of weakness. So in this case, the son would rather go hungry than be seen a dependent weakling. My colleague acknowledge the fact that he had made a mistake by being impulsive and not taken the time to consider his son’s feelings with the consequence that he had indeed shamed his son. He was in fact feeling bad about not having respected his son’s feelings.
Individualistic culture
Years after this incident, I now know that the Dutch culture falls under an individualistic culture, and as I mentioned in my book Dutch-ess from the Himalayas, from birth a child is bought up to be an individualistic person and self-reliant.
Looking back at the incident, I feel that the father should have actually felt rather proud of the fact that his way of bringing up his son to be an individual self-reliant person in an individualistic culture was taking shape and showing results.
