“ I tell her every time that, I don’t want her food. But she still brings it. I cannot be more direct than that! I am at my wits end. I hate wasting food, but still, all I can do is accept it and immediately dump it in the thrash.”

A helpless and frustrated outburst of a Dutch lady living in a flat with and Iranian neighbour.

Cultural belief

Some cultures, like the Iranian in this case, it is believed that if you prepare something in your kitchen and the aroma wafts through the flat and reaches the nostrils of your neighbour, then you are obliged to share your food with your neighbour (believe me, Iranian food is really aromatic). This is also the cultural belief of this Iranian lady who keeps saying “this is my culture”, every time she brings the food over.

Palatable

On my part, I find the Iranian cuisine very palatable. But according to this Dutch lady, who did try her neighbour’s culinary efforts, found that some particular spice that is used does not agree with her palate. After which she keeps refusing the offer which seems to make the neighbour lady more determined to offer her food time and again!

Meaning what you say

The Dutch usually say what they mean and mean what they say. So it does not surprise me that the Dutch lady was being very truthful about her not wanting the food anymore in the future. Only it seems not to have any effect on her Iranian neighbour!

High context

Irian communication on the other hand falls under the high context, or indirect culture. Which means that politeness is the key aspect or basis during communication. In other words, a refusal of any sort is given indirectly, this, to ensure that no feelings are hurt.

Clash of culture

In a lot of indirect culture like in Iranian, one has to refuse a gift a few times before accepting. This is a sign of politeness and good manners. So in this case, the refusal of the food is interpreted as being polite by the Iranian lady and not taken as a direct, ‘meaning what you say’ approach of the Dutch way of communication.

Intercultural awareness

The lack of intercultural awareness on the part of the people involved in this anecdote has resulted in the Dutch directness backfiring leading to frustration.

 How would resolve this situation? Do share it in the comment below.